Loved
by EnglandBabe1997
Summary: There are many things Jessica Moore knows about Sam Winchester.
1. Chapter 1

**Hmm, I'm really into Supernatural at the minute, and I've had this in my head since August, when I finally got round to watching it x I really love Jess, so I wanted to write something about her x This'll probably be a two-shot so please read and review to tell me what you think and how I can improve for the next chapter x**

At first, Jess had thought that there was nothing at all abnormal about Sam Winchester, except his height. She'd heard nothing but good things about him from everyone and when the opportunity for a conversation arose between them, she took it. She found that everyone had been right, and that to top it all off Sam was gorgeous and clearly interested in every word she said, in a way that was more than slightly flattering. Sure, guys had shown an interest in her before, but that was because she was blonde and a cheerleader and only seemed to accept dates from the ones that were more trouble than they were worth.

Sam Winchester, however, seemed like a pretty good guy.

So she asked to see him again later that night.

For a minute he looked shocked, as though it had never really happened before, but as good-looking as Sam was, that couldn't be true. It just didn't happen.

Either way, he agreed to meet her later at the pub.

(Later that night, she knew that she must've been wrong - he was the best date she'd ever had. In fact she was worried about how much practice he must've had, especially looking like that.)

* * *

When they'd started dating she'd noticed some endearing habits that she hadn't noticed before, and some that weren't quite so endearing.

Some she hardly noticed at all, like the way that his eyes would flick over a room and they way that he always ended up in a seat with his back to the wall and one eye on the door. The way that he walked, too silent.

The first time that she had jokingly barked out an order, he'd stiffened and his chin had lifted sharply before she felt the tension radiating from his body ebb away until he gave a small laugh and her a kiss on the cheek before walking away.

(She never told him that she'd noticed and she'd already worked out that he had some history of the military in his family.)

* * *

Sam never talked about his family, not even when the rest of the students were sitting in the common room sharing tales of the time that Zoë's brother had tripped into the Christmas tree or the birthday trip that he gone so horribly wrong because of James's mum's sense of direction. Sam never had a story like that to share, keeping his mouth firmly shut on all matter concerning relatives and family holidays.

Instead she treasured the brief slips in his guard, the time at Christmas that he'd smiled softly and told her that Dean would love this. She squirreled it away to find out who that name belonged to.

She pretended that the next time they kissed that his mouth didn't taste like the name.

* * *

The first time that they sleep with each other it's much like she'd thought it would be - they're getting a bit too carried away, but both of them are sober. She drags his shirt over his chest and feels him unbuttoning her blouse, is fingers brushing against skin like she is amde of glass, like she might break if he touches her for too long.

When she drags her fingernails up her chest she can feel the scars. Her hands pause slightly, over his chest, and she feels his spine straightening, so she rakes her nails further upwards and traces her tongue across the bullet wound in his shoulder.

* * *

She knows that he can be scary, having seen the darkness in his eyes when someone had attempted to mug the two of them when they'd been walking home after a date. He had been unarmed, and yet seemed far more dangerous than the cocky youth pointing the gun at them, and proved it as well.

It had only taken another incident like that, only this one in front of several of their college friends, to get the point across that the gentle giant was in no way gentle if provoked or threatened.

But Jess had never felt threatened, feeling the hands that she knows can hurt and feeling them holding her tighter until she feels like she could break, until she wishes she could.

* * *

It's not long after she works out that she loves him that they move in together. But no matter how much she loves him, the constant drawing of things she's never seen before on the wooden panels of the floor and the knives that she finds hidden under the bed and under the false bottoms of the bedside cabinet worry her, even if she reasons them away as protection and superstition.

She can't explain the way that he brings home whole bags of salt and lines them in the pantry or the way that she always finds traces of it on the floors when she hovers. It doesn't explain how he can speak perfect Latin, even though it's a dead language and no one speaks it anymore (she finds that out when she catches the title of one of his books, are attempts to open it and can't read more than the chapter titles). There is so much about Sam Winchester that is still a mystery, so much hidden under the surface. It is like looking into a lagoon, with all the shades of blue and getting lost in the depths.

Maybe that is why she likes him so much, that even though she still has layers of him to unwrap she still sees so much more than anyone else.


	2. Chapter 2

**Here's the second part of Loved, I hope you like it x That one is longer because it started to get away from me but it was fun writing :) Please continue to read and review xx**

Jess knows that Sam has never had a mother, or indeed anything like one. She can tell by the look of his face when she drags him home for Christmas, almost a year after they've been together. He's met her family before, but this is the first family occasion and she knows that he hasn't had many of those either, and worries about how he'll react.

But on the surface he seems fine.

Only Jess knows him well enough to see the wonder in his eyes when her mother sets out dinner, at the smiles and paper hats and the tree. To her the tree looks even more lopsided than ever and possibly smaller, though that's probably only because she's grown. Sam is looking at it like he's never seen one before, and maybe he hasn't.

She knows then that he's never had a proper Christmas either.

For that, she makes sure that she fulfills every Christmas tradition, especially one's including mistletoe.

* * *

He doesn't get on with his dad, which is obvious. It's in the things that he doesn't say, the lengths he goes to avoid the subjects. It's also in the stuff he screams, when he thinks he's alone and she's supposed to be long gone. It's the 'leave now and don't bother to come back' that she hears through the wall, trying to stop herself from imagining a parent saying that to their child.

It's in the stiffness of his back and the early mornings that speak of training and a drill sergeant rather than a father.

She wonders if he was parented at all.

* * *

Jess learns that Dean is the name of his older brother, spoken of rarely, but with the reverence only afforded to his mother. Dean was who had brought him up, who had made sure he'd had a childhood, been happy, gone to school. He had been the one to encourage Sam and to push him to his limits.

Jess knew that Sam would not be who he was without his brother, it was obvious in the little snippets of information that escaped him every so often ad that she was lucky enough to hear. She saw the look on his face, holding a photo of two teenage boys, and knew that he missed his brother.

Why they couldn't just call each other she didn't know.

Men were so stupid sometimes.

But still, she wasn't going to interfere. She couldn't bear to hear that they had parted like Sam and his father. She couldn't deal with that. Family was not supposed to abandon each other.

She knew that as well.

* * *

Sam was surprisingly good at cooking. He said it was something he'd learnt since coming to college, having never had the opportunity to before. He'd grown up in motels, on the road, and most meals came rom whatever dinner was nearest, ready meals, or anything with beans.

It didn't exactly leave much room for learning to cook gourmet food.

But since coming to college he'd found a whole host of things he enjoyed doing and for most he was good at them.

Jess always made Sam cook, having gotten him to cooperate by promising to clean up after. Whenever she'd tried to wash the dishes alone he'd joined her at the sink to help and no amount of protesting could get him to sit back down.

To be fair, she didn't really want him to. What kind of man voluntarily helped with the cleaning, even after being explicitly told otherwise?

He was clearly much too good for her. And the best boyfriend she'd ever had.

They say you learn something new everyday.

Today it was that maybe her luck with boys didn't always suck.

* * *

Sam's own lack of family didn't seem to impede his ability to deal with hers, in spite of his awkwardness. At that first Christmas he had been used as a judge for a fashion contest her two youngest cousins were holding with their new clothes and he had been a great sport, even finding some music for them to strut down the 'catwalk' to. Jess had stood in the doorway for a minute, watching all of them laughing, with the son of a relative perched on her hip before making her way over and dropping the baby into his lap. Sam's arms instantly curled around the baby, stopping him from falling, and a large grin spread across his face.

He'd be a great dad.

No, he will be.

* * *

For once Jess finds something she is better at than Sam. And it's playing poker. He tells her that Dean was the one that was good at that, though he can get by, better than most. She doesn't want to know how or where he learnt some of the tricks he uses. Jess teaches him a few of her own tricks and in return he teaches her how to play pool well and how to play it to win. The two did not always coincide.

Sometimes playing it to win meant the long-game, the losses.

But you always came out on top in the end. It reminds her of life.

(She doesn't want to know where he learnt to play pool either.)

* * *

He's going to propose to her, her friend says having spied Sam in a jewellery store, particularly interested in engagement rings.

Jess squeals internally and pretends that everything's normal when he arrives home.

She knows she's going to say yes.

Now he just needs to get round to asking her.

She might be waiting a while though, if he's anything like her own father when he needs to get round to doing something.

* * *

Dean likes to break into other people's houses and steal stuff from their fridges and Sam seems far too okay with his long-lost brother appearing in their house in the middle of the night without a key. The security issue genuinely seems not to concern him.

Instead the two talk, in private, because Jess isn't stupid and knows there are things her boyfriend cannot tell her, things that she cannot know. But she can tell by the tightening around Sam's eyes that it is something to do with their father, and they're talking about possibly missing his interview (well, Dean is. Sam seems to be keeping the big picture in mind).

That day she learns that Sam will follow his brother to the ends of the Earth.

* * *

Brady tells her that she knows nothing of Sam, with eyes black as the night and pinning her to a wall. He speaks of demons and monsters lurking in the dark and she'd think he was mad, only she can't move and there is a terrible truth in his eyes. He speaks of defences written into the foundations of the house and salt lines as barricades and knows that may be true. Maybe she knows nothing real about the love of her life except the feeling of his skin under her fingers, the truth etched into it with a map of scars that span it's surface.

Maybe it's all lies.

But, as she slides up across the ceiling, feeling the pain slide across her stomach and the blood pooling below, she knows one thing for certain, other than the fact she is dying.

She hears the door open, sees Sam throw himself down onto their bed, and knows that she doesn't have long left.

When her eyes meet Sam's she knows she is loved.


End file.
